By Mari McKenna
Do you find youself wandering around in peasant clothing, carrying your in your pockets (or wherever) such as objects as worms and dead fish, ducking ogres (and ogresses), avoiding trolls, trees, sharks, and various creatures of the undead pursuasion? If you answered yes to one or more of these questions, you may be one of the many stricken with a chronic affliction which is sweeping the known world — THE PERILS OF ROSELLA
The Perils can strike anyone, young or old, and without warning. But fear not, there is help! The research staff at Sierra On-Line has isolated some of the most common traits of this serious calamity. If you or someone you know is showing symptoms, the following case histories, along with our solutions may benefit you (For more intensified treatment, 4 out of 5 doctors surveyed recommend the King's Quest IV hint book).
They were wheeling my wife out of surgery, and she was mumbling, '… have to kill the troll…'" -Mr. L.
This subject was obviously obsessed by a desire to inflict bodily harm on a creature, who much like the common honey-bee, wants only to be left alone. When her husband contacted us, Mrs. L. was in a very agitated state. We instructed Mr. L. to assist his wife in avoiding the troll by saving her game before entering each room in the troll's cave. As the troll's appearace is random, Mrs. L. was eventually successful in passing through the cave unmolested, and our friend the troll was spared his life.
"Thank heavens you answered. I've been stuck in a whale's mouth for nine hours and his breath is killing me!" -Ellen
Ellen's case illustrates one of the most common symptoms of "The Perils". Subjects feel compelled to swim back and forth through shark infested waters until they are swallowed by a whale. Subsequently, they will spend long periods of time knee deep in what one can only imagine might exist in a whale's mouth, and much shorter intervals making any progress at all climbing the whale's tongue. When Ellen came to us she was a desperate woman — on the ragged edge. A Sierra representative worked with her until she was finally able to negotiate the climb, taking a diagonal path from the bottom right, to the top center of the tongue. She then tickled the whale's rather large uvula, causing the creature to sneeze, and was immediately expelled from the mouth. Reports say Ellen was found unhurt on a deserted island several miles away.
"I'll let you talk to my daughter… she's stuck in the ogre's house with some stupid chicken." -Nancy E.
This case is a prime example of one manifestion of "The Perils", which many readers may recognize. It preys on those who are so unfurtunate as to find themselves in possession of the 512k version of King's Quest IV, and a clock speed under 8mhz. Victims will spend countless hours trying to escape the ogre's house, all in vain. No amount of abuse will keep the hen from squawking, and the ogre invariably awakes, but many are able to retreat to the woods, and to safety. Alas, Nancy E.'s daughter was not among these, and poor Nancy E. feared that she would have to institutionalize her daughter. Sierra's rescue team intervened not a moment too soon. We replaced the 512k version with a new set of 256k disks. We are pleased to report Nancy E's daughter is responding very well to therapy.
"WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME HOW TO SHUT THIS KID UP!" -Myron
A key indicator of "The Perils" is the tendency for the victim to become irritated and impatient. When we received Myron's plea, his frustration was evident in his tone. He was immediately diagnosed as a "Perils" casualty, and a rep was successful in calming him so that his treatment could be administered. The "kid" in question was indeed a baby ghost, and it was clear to the trained ear that he was crying for his rattle. Myron was instructed to search for this toy in the obvious place, the graveyard. He reluctantly took up his shovel and after locating the grave of a six month old infant, dug until the much sought after silver rattle was unearthed. Myron's fits were brought under control, and he is undergoing rehabilitation.
The Perils of Rosella cannot be cured, only treated and allowed to run its course. It is highly contagious, and in some cases whole families have been quarantined. The symptoms can continue for several months, during which those close to the victim report a nearly uncontrollable desire to throttle him or her. According to our statistics, however, no directly related fatalities have occurred. Thanks to the Sierra Team, most patients recover and go on to lead normal, healthy lives. If someone you love is afflicted, call Sierra.
Issue 6: Fall 1989
- Cartoon/Drawing Contest
- Customer Support Forum
- Heard It In The Hallway (Sierra's Rumor Mill) - Fall 1989
- How To Get 16-Color EGA Graphics on your IBM or Compatible, Without Buying a New EGA Monitor
- Hoyle's Book of Games
- Issue 6 Credits
- Presidents Corner
- Roberta Williams: The Storyteller Who Started It All
- Sierra's Newest Games
- Sierra's Top Ten Best Sellers
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